Where to start? The last few years have been a whirlwind, well maybe more like a hurricane. I am not one to embrace too much change and yet the last few years have been full of alot of change. Two new jobs, two new cars, two new cats and most of all a new home. With all this change going on around me one thing has stayed constant, and that is my two wonderful boys. They are what keeps me sane and grounded so I can accept and grow from all the change around me.
Anxiety is a pretty complex word, whenever there is an x in an word it can go many ways. First of all think about all the many ways you can say the letter x. There are a few different ways, plus when you say the letters of the alphabet, does x really have a set sound? Not really. When we use the letter x on forms it can be used as a way to choose something or it can be used to not choose something entirely and eliminate a choice. One thing I have learned about anxiety is that we have become acquaintances in the past few years. I think it has always been there, it has been that friend that is a wall flower at the party till the right song starts to play and then it hits the dance floor like it is the star of the show. It sneaks in when it is least expected and does not want to go away when the song ends. It seems to me to be that taboo subject that no one wants to talk about and let it stay in the corner, and yet everyone says talk about your problems and it will make them better. So which is it? Do we talk about it or ignore it?
I have been very blessed in the past few years with all that has gone on around me and for that I am very grateful. I am thankful for all the help my father has given me on our house and our barn, without his help I would not even know where to begin. I am thankful to have a job finally that I can provide for me and the boys comfortably. Twelve years ago I put my trust in god that I would be okay when I left a job and took a $20,000 pay cut, it took a while, but he has provided that job and made it into a career. I am thankful for two healthy and amazing young gentlemen in my life, they are a source of joy and pride to me. I am also thankful to an amazing boyfriend that saw me as an awkward broken girl and showed me patience and kindness and treats me like a lady. But behind all these blessing is still that one friend called anxiety. I lay awake at night worrying about the property, can I really bring it alive again? will the remodel projects ever get done? What happens if I get hurt at work or at home, who will pay for everything? What if something happens to the boys? How do I juggle a busy job, the boys schedules and a boyfriend? What if I lose myself in all this madness? What if the boyfriend really sees the broken girl and decides it is too much?
This week has been a hard week for me, anxieties favorite song is playing and they have taken up residents on the dance floor in my mind. As I lay awake at night I really start to think and one of the things that keeps popping into my head is this, what if there is someone out there that suffers like me but does not have a way to express themselves? What if me exposing my dirty little secret is meant to help someone else? You see the little postings on Facebook that say ' if you are awake at night maybe its gods way of saying lets talk'. So God here I am .... lets talk.
Let's talk about how anxiety needs to be quiet, and how its okay if it wants to come out and dance sometimes, but it seriously it has to stop at some point and take a break. I figure its a way to remind us that we need to pause and focus on the things we are thankful for in our lives and reflect on where we have been and where we are going. Sometimes when we take the time to not sleep and to work through all our thoughts and problems we can come up with a different solution that we normally might not have; although we need to be careful here because sleep deprivation can cause some pretty bad decisions so do stop and think about it again when the sun is up. Who am I kidding? Certainly not myself tonight. I miss sleeping and dreaming about happy things, like a day at the beach, or at disney world, or riding in a fast car or walking in the woods. A few weeks ago when this started I had a dream in which all my anxieties visited me; and at the end nothing was resolved and actually they were worse. Then to put the cherry on the sundae of anxiety, one of the dreams really started to come true and it is still not resolved but only worse. I think I just heard anxiety whoop it up on the dance floor.
The one thing I wanted to convey in all this sleep deprived writing is this; please don't look at me and think I have it all together and its been an easy road. It has not been that at all and I apologize if I gave that impression. I am blessed but with blessings come trials, and I have seen my share. Yes I have a roof over my head and a meal on the table, but there have been times where even that was questionable. I want to share that there have been many nights when I am alone and I still hold my pillow and cry myself to sleep. My brains seems to hum with all the thoughts that are going through it constantly and it doesn't want to be quiet. I want you to know that you are not alone in this crazy world and I too suffer from anxiety and I am sure there are many more like us that have been shamed not to share.
When darkness falls our phones tend to be silent, emails are quiet and all we can hear is the wind and during that time our mind can focus on the true problems. For me its prioritizing my goals for the property and work this week. So my solution tonight was to not put off those emails till the morning and to get them out tonight. This way in the morning I can focus on other work matters and maybe take a few minutes to walk the property and plan on some small projects to finish over the weekend. I am hoping by doing these simple tasks and getting all these thoughts out of my head that maybe, just maybe, the dj will lower the music and anxiety can take a break. I am not confident but I am hopeful. I also want to share with everyone, that if ever your anxiety is so bad that you see no way out please reach out to me or a friend near you. Together we can battle this quiet beast and make it return as a wall flower.
One thought/image comes to me now as I finish this and it goes back six years ago. As I was having what I think of now as my first really big anxiety moment my youngest saved me. He got on my chest and took his little hands and placed them on either side of my face and with a very serious look he told me ' you got this, and I believe in you.' I don't know where he heard that before, but now I think that was god working through him to help me. I hope you have that special someone to help you, if not, just imagine me telling you ' you got this, and I believe in you.'
Thursday, April 19, 2018
Saturday, December 10, 2016
Saying Goodbye
Saying goodbye is never easy. I have said to many people, till next we meet, instead of good bye because it makes the moment a little easier to handle. But there are times when you just don't know when you will meet again, such as when they cross the rainbow bridge. I have had to say goodbye to many pets in my life and each time does not get easier. But this time is really hitting hard watching it through the eyes of my children.
We adopted Jack 11 years ago to be a companion to Haley. We had recently moved and she was missing her park friends and was showing signs of depression. So off the boys and I went to the humane society and we found Jack. He wasn't always what I would label as a good dog. Oh he has challenged my patience and others so many times. He liked to get on the kitchen counters and eat whatever bread you had available, and he somehow had the uncanny ability to pick the one loaf that you had plans for the next meal. He liked to eat the kitty liter for a bedtime snack and then come up to bed and burp into my face. He liked to poo anywhere and everywhere in the barn, especially the rooms we had just cleaned. He liked to walk right in front of me and bounce like tiger to the point where I could not walk another step. He liked to run off and visit his friends in the village at the most inconvenient times and late at night. He liked to roll in the freshest horse manure and turn his gray/black fur a weird color of green. He liked to get in the garbage and spread it through the kitchen and the diningroom. He knew he was being naughty when he was caught and would hang his head low and put himself in timeout, but just like any other child he would do it again... and again.
But Jack wasn't always bad he had his good moments. He would alert us if anyone was on the property or near his boys. He was all talk when confronting a visitor but he sure did sound fierce. He would come cuddle next to me at night when I was lonely. He followed us everywhere and never strayed too far when we walked in the woods. He loved to sit and watch us mow the lawn or do any yard work. He was beginning to get along with the cat and on occasion we would see them actually cuddling. He would wait patiently for me to wake up on the weekends when I desperately needed some rest. My favorite thing though is when I would pick him up at my parents and I would be greeted with a hug on the stairs and a gentle kiss on the cheek.
Today we celebrate his life with us and how much he means to us. As he crosses the bridge and joins Haley we want him to go with a bounce and a run while knowing he is loved. He has been showered with love the last two days after we discovered he was in pain due to a large mass in his abdomen. We were advised surgery was not an option as the mass was aggressive and had grown quickly. He would more than likely die during the operation due to the stress on his body. So we decided that instead of having him go alone we would surround him with our love and give him the best days filled with his favorite foods and those we kept away from him but he desperately wanted to enjoy. He has had busy bones, donuts, hot dogs, cheeseburgers and sausage. But most of all he had hugs and kisses and walks along his path in the back field.
It was a hard day saying goodbye and now a month later I still can not write this or read it without crying. But I know that we gave him the best three days of his life and we let him go with the grace, dignity and love that he deserved.
As I look back at 2016 all I can wish is that 2017 will be a better year. I have certainly had my ups and my downs in 2016 but I would not change them nor will I regret anything that happened. Jack was there for me during many of those times and he will be missed. As I look to the coming year I know that he is looking at us from across that rainbow bridge and sending us his love still and even though he is not with us physically he is with us in spirit.
We adopted Jack 11 years ago to be a companion to Haley. We had recently moved and she was missing her park friends and was showing signs of depression. So off the boys and I went to the humane society and we found Jack. He wasn't always what I would label as a good dog. Oh he has challenged my patience and others so many times. He liked to get on the kitchen counters and eat whatever bread you had available, and he somehow had the uncanny ability to pick the one loaf that you had plans for the next meal. He liked to eat the kitty liter for a bedtime snack and then come up to bed and burp into my face. He liked to poo anywhere and everywhere in the barn, especially the rooms we had just cleaned. He liked to walk right in front of me and bounce like tiger to the point where I could not walk another step. He liked to run off and visit his friends in the village at the most inconvenient times and late at night. He liked to roll in the freshest horse manure and turn his gray/black fur a weird color of green. He liked to get in the garbage and spread it through the kitchen and the diningroom. He knew he was being naughty when he was caught and would hang his head low and put himself in timeout, but just like any other child he would do it again... and again.
But Jack wasn't always bad he had his good moments. He would alert us if anyone was on the property or near his boys. He was all talk when confronting a visitor but he sure did sound fierce. He would come cuddle next to me at night when I was lonely. He followed us everywhere and never strayed too far when we walked in the woods. He loved to sit and watch us mow the lawn or do any yard work. He was beginning to get along with the cat and on occasion we would see them actually cuddling. He would wait patiently for me to wake up on the weekends when I desperately needed some rest. My favorite thing though is when I would pick him up at my parents and I would be greeted with a hug on the stairs and a gentle kiss on the cheek.
Today we celebrate his life with us and how much he means to us. As he crosses the bridge and joins Haley we want him to go with a bounce and a run while knowing he is loved. He has been showered with love the last two days after we discovered he was in pain due to a large mass in his abdomen. We were advised surgery was not an option as the mass was aggressive and had grown quickly. He would more than likely die during the operation due to the stress on his body. So we decided that instead of having him go alone we would surround him with our love and give him the best days filled with his favorite foods and those we kept away from him but he desperately wanted to enjoy. He has had busy bones, donuts, hot dogs, cheeseburgers and sausage. But most of all he had hugs and kisses and walks along his path in the back field.
It was a hard day saying goodbye and now a month later I still can not write this or read it without crying. But I know that we gave him the best three days of his life and we let him go with the grace, dignity and love that he deserved.
As I look back at 2016 all I can wish is that 2017 will be a better year. I have certainly had my ups and my downs in 2016 but I would not change them nor will I regret anything that happened. Jack was there for me during many of those times and he will be missed. As I look to the coming year I know that he is looking at us from across that rainbow bridge and sending us his love still and even though he is not with us physically he is with us in spirit.
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
Lessons Learned
Stihl Tour des Trees number 24 is in the record books, or for me its number 4, and as I reflect on the past week I realize it was a week filled with many lessons. They are lessons that honestly I feel I have been trying to learn over the past year and yet it took this week to make them really stick.
Lesson #1: When you ask for it a friend will catch you when you most need it
On day 2 the terrain was a bit challenging and at the same time was still incredibly fun. There were some wonderful hills to glide down and get the adrenaline rushing, and there were steep hills that got the heart rate way up. The most challenging part was when you would be gliding down enjoying the moment, make a turn, and BAM you were presented with a steep new incline. In some cases you could get enough momentum going to help you, but on others, well it was like hitting a wall. On one such hill I hit the wall hard, really hard. I wanted desperately to unclip and just walk it, but alas I was pedaling so hard I just could not twist the foot enough to clip out. I thought all hope was lost and that I was going to be doing my best interpretation of a turtle any second. Just when all hope was lost and I was going to brace myself a fellow rider had jumped off his bike and was standing at the right place at the right moment for me. I yelled out my desperate plea to be caught so I could prevent my impersonation, and to my great luck he caught me and I was able to walk the hill beside a great friend.
This past year has been filled with moments like this, but yet I have been scared to ask for the help I desperately needed. I felt as though there was no one I could call out to or that no one would even help me if I did find the courage to ask. That one moment last week showed me, or at least helped me to open my eyes, that I am surrounded by people that are willing to help me. I just need to know that it is okay to ask for help and that the journey up the hill is so much better when you can do it with a friend by your side. Thank you Robert for saving me that day I am ever so much in your debt.
Lesson #2: You are never truly alone
One morning I found myself without any of my regular riding partners, they had decided to get a jump on the day and start early, which I don't blame them as that day was a very long one. I started out just the same with the big pack and started to peddle. I rode for a bit with some groups I would never think I could ride with due to how fast they go, but soon I was dropped, no fault of their own but I just am not that strong. But I kept on peddling and peddling. After a while though it really started getting to me, this big black cloud descended upon my head and every instance where I felt alone or abandoned over the past year was just amplified. I was honestly beginning to scare myself with my dark thoughts and the foul language that was coming from it. Then all of a sudden the always happy Maggie came by in the truck and asked if I was okay, lets just say I was not okay and made it clear, I do apologize Maggie for that moment. But I just kept on pedaling. To my surprise the truck stopped about a quarter mile ahead of me and out came a rider and his bike. Here was a rider that could easily out pedal me even on his worse day, I have never really gotten to know this person due to never riding with them. To my surprise he rode at my pace and kept talking to me all the way to the next break. With each rotation of the pedal I found myself becoming lighter as that dark cloud lifted from my head. By the time we got to the first rest area I found one of the riders I normally keep pace with and I was now ready to conquer the day; I went on to bike 101 miles that day.
There have been many a moment over the past year where I have felt so utterly alone. As I look back now I wonder if maybe somewhere along the way I just did not see the random person that was there to pull me along. I have had the mindset that I do not want to share my barn or home with anyone, but now I see I was letting that black cloud win and not letting it be blown away. As the year progresses now I know I will keep my eyes and heart more open to allow someone to enjoy the journey with me, because I can't do it alone. Thank you Greg for riding with me that one morning, you have helped me in ways that can not be measured.
Lesson #3: You can make a positive impact on others just by being you
Through facebook I have shared my many adventures of my barn and house since I purchased it. It has been a year full of surprises, challenges and learning for me in many ways. Throughout the week individuals would come to me and tell me how much they enjoy following me and seeing what I do. There are some individuals who came to me and told me I inspire them; really me inspire anyone? But apparently it is true or so I have been told. Sometimes hearing from others on how you are perceived by them and how you are helping them can make you more aware and really brighten your day. There has been one person that has inspired me to do better, in the bike realm, each and every day. She started just like me with little training and not knowing what to do to become stronger. But through sheer determination and putting in the time she has become an amazing athlete.
Each and everyone of us can be an inspiration to others, always keep that in mind as you go through your day, even at your lowest someone could be looking to you for inspiration. Laurie Skull you have been my inspiration, and hopefully one day I too can become a great rider just like you. Keep on pedaling girl and maybe someday I can ride along side you.
Lesson#4: If you listen to your body, your body will listen too
It is no secret food and I have had a long history of love and hate. I may know how to eat healthy but its another thing to eat it. There are days I wish I could just hook an IV into my arm and get all my nutrition that way, I just don't take the time to eat properly or to drink properly for that matter. In addition I tend to push my body to its ultimate limits and then wonder why I am so tired all the time or in pain all the time for that matter. This year though I really tuned into my body and knew when it had enough of the punishment and when to just enjoy the scenery. One morning I woke up and although I did try to drink enough water the previous two days, apparently I had not because I was not feeling all that well. I tried to pedal through it but alas I finally threw in the pedals and sat out a segment to drink some water. During that time though I laughed, I was educated and I was able to hang out with some friends. After the short break I got back on the bike and I pedaled away feeling much better. I am glad I stopped and listened to my body because otherwise I would have missed out on the rest of the pedaling for the day.
Food was not my only nemesis this year, this year I also had to deal with a rib that just did not want to stay where it should. I have been trying to get it to heal before the trip, I even got it wrapped, but still by the fifth day, it had enough of the ride. The pain was intense and the breathing was difficult. I tried to go on, but I just could not do it. I took yet another break to give it a rest so I could enjoy the end of the day ride into the hotel, and boy am I glad I did that. The ride into Charlotte from the south is amazing, so many beautiful homes and roads lined with large oaks. The best part though, I got to ride in with Andy and Josh. Josh rode with me on and off throughout the week and we shared many laughs and sighs and challenges together and to do the last segment with him was an honor. Andy though, he is a gear head and he is a powerful rider, this was his 20th tour this year. He is an inspiration to me in that you can do anything you want if you just put forth the effort and take care of your body. Even though he slowed his pace for me, breathing was not easy by then, I am thankful that he did not make it too obvious and let me have the thrill of riding with him.
The lesson I learned throughout it all is that when I stop and actually rest I can then enjoy the rest of the journey. Its a lesson I needed to learn, the challenge will be to actually practice it. But as I look back at this years tour I will remember the lesson and take heed to stop and rest every now and then.
Lesson #5: You can't please everyone and not everyone will understand your journey
Confession time, I have only had one really loyal good friend in my life. People tend to come and go in my life quit frequently, especially over the past few years. I don't blame anyone else but myself for this fact, it is really hard for me to be open and free with people, I am a very guarded person. But when I started the bike tours, something changed in me. I found a wonderful group of individuals that are so open and caring and simply amazing; suddenly I found myself with friends that I can talk to about most anything. I started being a better person too and I wanted to share this energy with the world that I was experiencing. But somewhere along the way I also lost a part of me, the part that sees the bad in people and questions them. Some people would say that is a good thing, but in truth it is not. Because in the end it is I that will be hurt when all they do is take and nothing is ever given back. Or worse yet when you start to trust people and they use your rose colored glasses to hurt you in ways unimaginable.
I don't pretend to understand everyone's journey or what is going on in their private lives but at the same time I expect the same in return. But when someone tries to manipulate your journey in such a way that they feel they are helping, and yet not know exactly what your journey is, it can really hurt. Before the tour and especially at the beginning I let this really get to me and it bothered me more than I like to admit. Somewhere along the way though I simply woke up and said, no more. No more will I let someone manipulate my feelings, I will not let them or anyone hurt me, nor will I let anyone make me feel less than what I am.
The moral of this lesson is simple, we are only responsible for our own happiness and not anyone else's. Once we start caring enough for ourselves everything else will fall into place and maybe, through a positive influence, others can reach the same understanding and also find their happiness. Enjoy your journey for it is your own and only your own, and enjoy those that join you for your journey. But never loose sight that it is your journey and don't let anyone else unpack their baggage and join you unless they have the same goal as yourself and your journeys are meant to be traveled together.
I am sure there are many more lessons I learned along the way, but they are still slowly coming to my mind. Each year is a journey for me and I want to thank all of my sponsors who helped me support the Tree Fund through this amazing event. Together we raised $370,000 that will be spent on tree research and education. With every turn of a peddle we are making the world a better place one tree at a time. Now back to training in nine months I will do it again. :)
Lesson #1: When you ask for it a friend will catch you when you most need it
On day 2 the terrain was a bit challenging and at the same time was still incredibly fun. There were some wonderful hills to glide down and get the adrenaline rushing, and there were steep hills that got the heart rate way up. The most challenging part was when you would be gliding down enjoying the moment, make a turn, and BAM you were presented with a steep new incline. In some cases you could get enough momentum going to help you, but on others, well it was like hitting a wall. On one such hill I hit the wall hard, really hard. I wanted desperately to unclip and just walk it, but alas I was pedaling so hard I just could not twist the foot enough to clip out. I thought all hope was lost and that I was going to be doing my best interpretation of a turtle any second. Just when all hope was lost and I was going to brace myself a fellow rider had jumped off his bike and was standing at the right place at the right moment for me. I yelled out my desperate plea to be caught so I could prevent my impersonation, and to my great luck he caught me and I was able to walk the hill beside a great friend.
This past year has been filled with moments like this, but yet I have been scared to ask for the help I desperately needed. I felt as though there was no one I could call out to or that no one would even help me if I did find the courage to ask. That one moment last week showed me, or at least helped me to open my eyes, that I am surrounded by people that are willing to help me. I just need to know that it is okay to ask for help and that the journey up the hill is so much better when you can do it with a friend by your side. Thank you Robert for saving me that day I am ever so much in your debt.
Lesson #2: You are never truly alone
One morning I found myself without any of my regular riding partners, they had decided to get a jump on the day and start early, which I don't blame them as that day was a very long one. I started out just the same with the big pack and started to peddle. I rode for a bit with some groups I would never think I could ride with due to how fast they go, but soon I was dropped, no fault of their own but I just am not that strong. But I kept on peddling and peddling. After a while though it really started getting to me, this big black cloud descended upon my head and every instance where I felt alone or abandoned over the past year was just amplified. I was honestly beginning to scare myself with my dark thoughts and the foul language that was coming from it. Then all of a sudden the always happy Maggie came by in the truck and asked if I was okay, lets just say I was not okay and made it clear, I do apologize Maggie for that moment. But I just kept on pedaling. To my surprise the truck stopped about a quarter mile ahead of me and out came a rider and his bike. Here was a rider that could easily out pedal me even on his worse day, I have never really gotten to know this person due to never riding with them. To my surprise he rode at my pace and kept talking to me all the way to the next break. With each rotation of the pedal I found myself becoming lighter as that dark cloud lifted from my head. By the time we got to the first rest area I found one of the riders I normally keep pace with and I was now ready to conquer the day; I went on to bike 101 miles that day.
There have been many a moment over the past year where I have felt so utterly alone. As I look back now I wonder if maybe somewhere along the way I just did not see the random person that was there to pull me along. I have had the mindset that I do not want to share my barn or home with anyone, but now I see I was letting that black cloud win and not letting it be blown away. As the year progresses now I know I will keep my eyes and heart more open to allow someone to enjoy the journey with me, because I can't do it alone. Thank you Greg for riding with me that one morning, you have helped me in ways that can not be measured.
Lesson #3: You can make a positive impact on others just by being you
Through facebook I have shared my many adventures of my barn and house since I purchased it. It has been a year full of surprises, challenges and learning for me in many ways. Throughout the week individuals would come to me and tell me how much they enjoy following me and seeing what I do. There are some individuals who came to me and told me I inspire them; really me inspire anyone? But apparently it is true or so I have been told. Sometimes hearing from others on how you are perceived by them and how you are helping them can make you more aware and really brighten your day. There has been one person that has inspired me to do better, in the bike realm, each and every day. She started just like me with little training and not knowing what to do to become stronger. But through sheer determination and putting in the time she has become an amazing athlete.
Each and everyone of us can be an inspiration to others, always keep that in mind as you go through your day, even at your lowest someone could be looking to you for inspiration. Laurie Skull you have been my inspiration, and hopefully one day I too can become a great rider just like you. Keep on pedaling girl and maybe someday I can ride along side you.
Lesson#4: If you listen to your body, your body will listen too
It is no secret food and I have had a long history of love and hate. I may know how to eat healthy but its another thing to eat it. There are days I wish I could just hook an IV into my arm and get all my nutrition that way, I just don't take the time to eat properly or to drink properly for that matter. In addition I tend to push my body to its ultimate limits and then wonder why I am so tired all the time or in pain all the time for that matter. This year though I really tuned into my body and knew when it had enough of the punishment and when to just enjoy the scenery. One morning I woke up and although I did try to drink enough water the previous two days, apparently I had not because I was not feeling all that well. I tried to pedal through it but alas I finally threw in the pedals and sat out a segment to drink some water. During that time though I laughed, I was educated and I was able to hang out with some friends. After the short break I got back on the bike and I pedaled away feeling much better. I am glad I stopped and listened to my body because otherwise I would have missed out on the rest of the pedaling for the day.
Food was not my only nemesis this year, this year I also had to deal with a rib that just did not want to stay where it should. I have been trying to get it to heal before the trip, I even got it wrapped, but still by the fifth day, it had enough of the ride. The pain was intense and the breathing was difficult. I tried to go on, but I just could not do it. I took yet another break to give it a rest so I could enjoy the end of the day ride into the hotel, and boy am I glad I did that. The ride into Charlotte from the south is amazing, so many beautiful homes and roads lined with large oaks. The best part though, I got to ride in with Andy and Josh. Josh rode with me on and off throughout the week and we shared many laughs and sighs and challenges together and to do the last segment with him was an honor. Andy though, he is a gear head and he is a powerful rider, this was his 20th tour this year. He is an inspiration to me in that you can do anything you want if you just put forth the effort and take care of your body. Even though he slowed his pace for me, breathing was not easy by then, I am thankful that he did not make it too obvious and let me have the thrill of riding with him.
The lesson I learned throughout it all is that when I stop and actually rest I can then enjoy the rest of the journey. Its a lesson I needed to learn, the challenge will be to actually practice it. But as I look back at this years tour I will remember the lesson and take heed to stop and rest every now and then.
Lesson #5: You can't please everyone and not everyone will understand your journey
Confession time, I have only had one really loyal good friend in my life. People tend to come and go in my life quit frequently, especially over the past few years. I don't blame anyone else but myself for this fact, it is really hard for me to be open and free with people, I am a very guarded person. But when I started the bike tours, something changed in me. I found a wonderful group of individuals that are so open and caring and simply amazing; suddenly I found myself with friends that I can talk to about most anything. I started being a better person too and I wanted to share this energy with the world that I was experiencing. But somewhere along the way I also lost a part of me, the part that sees the bad in people and questions them. Some people would say that is a good thing, but in truth it is not. Because in the end it is I that will be hurt when all they do is take and nothing is ever given back. Or worse yet when you start to trust people and they use your rose colored glasses to hurt you in ways unimaginable.
I don't pretend to understand everyone's journey or what is going on in their private lives but at the same time I expect the same in return. But when someone tries to manipulate your journey in such a way that they feel they are helping, and yet not know exactly what your journey is, it can really hurt. Before the tour and especially at the beginning I let this really get to me and it bothered me more than I like to admit. Somewhere along the way though I simply woke up and said, no more. No more will I let someone manipulate my feelings, I will not let them or anyone hurt me, nor will I let anyone make me feel less than what I am.
The moral of this lesson is simple, we are only responsible for our own happiness and not anyone else's. Once we start caring enough for ourselves everything else will fall into place and maybe, through a positive influence, others can reach the same understanding and also find their happiness. Enjoy your journey for it is your own and only your own, and enjoy those that join you for your journey. But never loose sight that it is your journey and don't let anyone else unpack their baggage and join you unless they have the same goal as yourself and your journeys are meant to be traveled together.
I am sure there are many more lessons I learned along the way, but they are still slowly coming to my mind. Each year is a journey for me and I want to thank all of my sponsors who helped me support the Tree Fund through this amazing event. Together we raised $370,000 that will be spent on tree research and education. With every turn of a peddle we are making the world a better place one tree at a time. Now back to training in nine months I will do it again. :)
Sunday, October 9, 2016
Day one
What have I learned today? I have learned that the day after a hurricane is very windy, extremely windy; actually ridiculously windy. Riding into a headwind up and down hills is not fun in case anyone was curious. But along the way I did have many positive moments such as meeting new friends and rekindling old friendships. When faced with adversities this group will rally together and provide support and inspiration. We congratulate those that were able to conquer this day and congratulate those that did portions along the route with the same enthusiasm. There is no competition here, only support.
As the presidential debate is going on as I write this, I wonder what would happen if these two individuals should join us. Would they support each other? Would they see what can happen when support is provided? Every year I am amazed at the energy that comes from this event. If only we could share it with more individuals I think the world would be a much better place. A world where no one is left behind when you are at your lowest there is someone to pick you up. That is the type of world I want my boys to inherit and to grow up in. And every day I strive to provide such a world for them. Even if it is only in our home it does not matter because I know they will go out into the world and share that message with others. Will you help me to change the world one person at a time?
As the presidential debate is going on as I write this, I wonder what would happen if these two individuals should join us. Would they support each other? Would they see what can happen when support is provided? Every year I am amazed at the energy that comes from this event. If only we could share it with more individuals I think the world would be a much better place. A world where no one is left behind when you are at your lowest there is someone to pick you up. That is the type of world I want my boys to inherit and to grow up in. And every day I strive to provide such a world for them. Even if it is only in our home it does not matter because I know they will go out into the world and share that message with others. Will you help me to change the world one person at a time?
Saturday, October 8, 2016
Together
In the past year I have been blessed with so many wonderful experiences and so many challenging experiences. The main blessing was I was finally able to close on our wonderful estate, it only took six months of trials and tribulations, but it finally happened. Most individuals would have given up during the process, even my lawyer and bank loan officer gave up, but I persevered and finally it was ours. In the last ten months the boys and I have worked hard to make it our home. In the rooms we have renovated our love is most evident, together we picked out the colors, the furniture and soon the decorations. It is a place filled with love, laughter and personal growth. We have learned how to work with mud, install windows, wallpaper ceilings, and install ceiling fans.
But it has not been an easy journey, so many times I have laid awake at night worried about making the mortgage payment, paying for the renovations, and making it a home for my boys. The point though is every morning I have gotten up and said ' we got this ' and 'don't ever give up'. I won't give up on the vision I have for this amazing estate, I can't give up on this vision, I have two boys that need me to keep going. When friends or family see me they always tell me how lucky I am and how they enjoy seeing my passion and the work I am doing. What they don't see are all those nights awake, or me passed out completely exhausted in the barn or in the yard after giving every ounce of energy that I have in me. I have not shared those moments because to me its a sign of weakness and I don't want others to see that in my, ever. But I have been thinking lately, if I am making this look easy how is that helping me or anyone else.
This year has been a lot of work, and what I have learned is when you give something your all, you will receive so much more back in return. When things have reached their worse, especially emotionally, I have found one release, or therapy, my bike. I have rode more this summer than I have in last four years. Once I am on the bike I can clear my head and all I can think of is pedaling and speed and of course breathing. Biking is my meditation, it makes my brain to stop going in many different directions and allows it to calm. I can work through everything, from my personal life to work to boys schedules and how to accomplish a project on the estate. By the time I get back home my heart is racing, my mind is clear and I am a better mom because of it because now all I have to think about is my boys.
As I embark on my fourth Stihl Tour des Trees bike tour tomorrow I am physically more prepared than I have been in the past. Thanks to all the projects in the barn that made me stronger and all the therapy sessions on my bike. But most of all I look forward to this week to work through the past year in one big therapy session. It is no secret this tour has changed my life in so many ways, for the positive I would like to believe. It has made me face my most inner demons and to conquer them one at a time. There are still more demons to conquer but the room is not so crowded anymore where they all dwell. It has left me stronger mentally, physically and spiritually.
Tomorrow is our hardest day on the tour, a lot of climbing and many miles to cover. In the past I may have been intimated but this year I am not in the least. If anything I am looking at it as a wonderful challenge and I am up for it this year. This will be a wonderful therapy session and the most wonderful thing about it is I won't be going it alone. I will be surrounded by so many friends encouraging me along the way and I will be encouraging them as well. Together we can do more than we ever thought possible.
That is my reflection for this past year, together we can do more than we ever thought possible. With the help of my boys and my dad we have transformed an old barn into the beauty it once was over 50 years ago. If anyone would have told me I would be doing this I would have laughed at them, but I am doing it, and apparently making it looking easy. But tomorrow I will set out on one of the hardest rides I have ever undertaken and at the end of the day I will look at what I did and be proud. Even if I don't finish the entire day I will be proud, because half the battle is showing up, and I will show up ready to conquer that demon. That is what I want to leave you with my reader, just show up and try and you never know what you can accomplish and even the person who you think has their life together and has the easy life may actually not and just needs a little encouragement. Reach out to each other and offer encouragement when you can because together we can make this world an amazing place for everyone.
But it has not been an easy journey, so many times I have laid awake at night worried about making the mortgage payment, paying for the renovations, and making it a home for my boys. The point though is every morning I have gotten up and said ' we got this ' and 'don't ever give up'. I won't give up on the vision I have for this amazing estate, I can't give up on this vision, I have two boys that need me to keep going. When friends or family see me they always tell me how lucky I am and how they enjoy seeing my passion and the work I am doing. What they don't see are all those nights awake, or me passed out completely exhausted in the barn or in the yard after giving every ounce of energy that I have in me. I have not shared those moments because to me its a sign of weakness and I don't want others to see that in my, ever. But I have been thinking lately, if I am making this look easy how is that helping me or anyone else.
This year has been a lot of work, and what I have learned is when you give something your all, you will receive so much more back in return. When things have reached their worse, especially emotionally, I have found one release, or therapy, my bike. I have rode more this summer than I have in last four years. Once I am on the bike I can clear my head and all I can think of is pedaling and speed and of course breathing. Biking is my meditation, it makes my brain to stop going in many different directions and allows it to calm. I can work through everything, from my personal life to work to boys schedules and how to accomplish a project on the estate. By the time I get back home my heart is racing, my mind is clear and I am a better mom because of it because now all I have to think about is my boys.
As I embark on my fourth Stihl Tour des Trees bike tour tomorrow I am physically more prepared than I have been in the past. Thanks to all the projects in the barn that made me stronger and all the therapy sessions on my bike. But most of all I look forward to this week to work through the past year in one big therapy session. It is no secret this tour has changed my life in so many ways, for the positive I would like to believe. It has made me face my most inner demons and to conquer them one at a time. There are still more demons to conquer but the room is not so crowded anymore where they all dwell. It has left me stronger mentally, physically and spiritually.
Tomorrow is our hardest day on the tour, a lot of climbing and many miles to cover. In the past I may have been intimated but this year I am not in the least. If anything I am looking at it as a wonderful challenge and I am up for it this year. This will be a wonderful therapy session and the most wonderful thing about it is I won't be going it alone. I will be surrounded by so many friends encouraging me along the way and I will be encouraging them as well. Together we can do more than we ever thought possible.
That is my reflection for this past year, together we can do more than we ever thought possible. With the help of my boys and my dad we have transformed an old barn into the beauty it once was over 50 years ago. If anyone would have told me I would be doing this I would have laughed at them, but I am doing it, and apparently making it looking easy. But tomorrow I will set out on one of the hardest rides I have ever undertaken and at the end of the day I will look at what I did and be proud. Even if I don't finish the entire day I will be proud, because half the battle is showing up, and I will show up ready to conquer that demon. That is what I want to leave you with my reader, just show up and try and you never know what you can accomplish and even the person who you think has their life together and has the easy life may actually not and just needs a little encouragement. Reach out to each other and offer encouragement when you can because together we can make this world an amazing place for everyone.
Saturday, October 24, 2015
Family
What is family? Is family only those that you share your lineage with or is it more? I have learned over the past two years that it is so much more than just that. Family to me is defined as those that come into your life and shape it in ways you never imagined. Three years ago I did something that I did not think was possible, I biked around Lake Ontario. Me, when in the prime of my youth I would ride around Lake Chautauqua and come in last place during the Cummins Bike Race, but I would always receive a plaque stating I came in first place... in my age group. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I could bike for over 500 miles in a week. But I did it, and the most important thing is I did it again the following year where I had the privilege to bike throughout Wisconsin. This week I get to bike through a state in which I hope to call my Winter home in the future, Florida. I ask myself still to this day why do I do this... the answer is simple, because of my family.
I have two important families in my life. My family that is stuck with me because we are related and secondly my bike family. My first family supports me through this crazy endeavor by being there for my boys when I can not be, this is truly the hardest part for me during this ride. Every day if not every hour I will think to myself, John would like to see this or Mathew would love to learn about this and so forth. I want to share with them this great adventure and I hope I can bring them back someday and share with them everything that I experience. But school is important and taking them away from that is just not feasible at the moment.
Then there is my second family, my bike family. The bike tour is our reunion and our time to share our joys and sometimes our sorrows that we have experienced over the past year. Most of us keep in touch through Facebook but seeing each other is soooo much better. There are hugs and smiles being exchanged all the time and the areas around us is always filled with laughter. There is learning and teaching being exchanged, ranging from bike trinkets to industry knowledge. In this family there is not one black sheep in the family, everyone here is the black sheep and your uniqueness is embraced.
In the coming week there will be an outpouring of support, knowledge and hugs.
They have helped me see myself in a new way in the past few years. My first year they let me see that I am stronger than I ever could imagine. My second year they let me see that it is okay to stop and admire the flowers and to ask for help when I needed it. I don't know what I will learn this year; but I am sure it will be something amazing. This past year has been a year of changes for me and I contribute it to my family and their way of helping me grow.
This family is the crowning example of how every family should be in an ideal world. I am very privileged to have found this family and even more privileged they allow me to be part of their family. My only wish for this week is that we all ride safe so we can go home to our first family and to change the world one tree at a time for future families to enjoy.
I have two important families in my life. My family that is stuck with me because we are related and secondly my bike family. My first family supports me through this crazy endeavor by being there for my boys when I can not be, this is truly the hardest part for me during this ride. Every day if not every hour I will think to myself, John would like to see this or Mathew would love to learn about this and so forth. I want to share with them this great adventure and I hope I can bring them back someday and share with them everything that I experience. But school is important and taking them away from that is just not feasible at the moment.
Then there is my second family, my bike family. The bike tour is our reunion and our time to share our joys and sometimes our sorrows that we have experienced over the past year. Most of us keep in touch through Facebook but seeing each other is soooo much better. There are hugs and smiles being exchanged all the time and the areas around us is always filled with laughter. There is learning and teaching being exchanged, ranging from bike trinkets to industry knowledge. In this family there is not one black sheep in the family, everyone here is the black sheep and your uniqueness is embraced.
In the coming week there will be an outpouring of support, knowledge and hugs.
They have helped me see myself in a new way in the past few years. My first year they let me see that I am stronger than I ever could imagine. My second year they let me see that it is okay to stop and admire the flowers and to ask for help when I needed it. I don't know what I will learn this year; but I am sure it will be something amazing. This past year has been a year of changes for me and I contribute it to my family and their way of helping me grow.
This family is the crowning example of how every family should be in an ideal world. I am very privileged to have found this family and even more privileged they allow me to be part of their family. My only wish for this week is that we all ride safe so we can go home to our first family and to change the world one tree at a time for future families to enjoy.
Sunday, September 27, 2015
Reflections
This year has been a year full of changes. Changes I did not anticipate and that have shaped me in ways I never could imagine. Never would I have imagined I would be where I am today one year ago. I will not say it has been an easy journey, but it was a journey that proved to me I am stronger than I give myself credit for. Many of my friends have come to me and said they admire me for what I have done and they wish they could have the same journey. Be careful what you wish for my friends. Yes it is wonderful to own your dream barn, I mean home, and to have the land you never thought you could play with; don't get me wrong I am very grateful. But there are times when you sit back and look at your surroundings and just say WOW. Wow I get to play with all of this, wow I have to do all of this and wow you want me to do WHAT? It can be a bit overwhelming to say the least. But then I stop and sit in my back field under the light of the full moon and just say wow I am blessed. I could never ever ever do this without the help of my dad, and I wonder some days who loves the property more, him or I. Together we are bringing new life to the property and making it shine like the jewel it is; but I often wonder if we are making it shine or if it is making us shine. I am doing things I never thought I could do. Such as conquer my fear of heights on a ladder, crawling into a crawl space in the middle of the winter, replacing an exterior wall and snowblowing a huge driveway at the end of the day. My dad has been there through it all with me, even those late night calls when the basement is flooding or the furnace has stopped working and it -20 outside.
My boys are learning along side of me too. They are learning that on the weekends an old property needs love and attention and there is always a project to be done. They may put up a small fight with me, but in the end they surprise me and jump right on the lawnmower and take care of the yard for me or work along side grandpa and surprise me when I get home with a completed project.
As I go through the process of buying this home I stop and wonder if its worth all the tears, aggravation and stress. As I sit under the glow of the full moon in my back field and look at my surroundings, I realize I already know the answer. Yes it is all worth it, oh so very much worth it. So many people have loved the property and I am so very grateful that I can now share with them the love and leave a story or two behind of our time spent on the property.
This past year has taught me that sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone and have faith that you are on a journey that you are meant to take. You wouldn't be on this journey if it wasn't meant for you, and the time for it was now. It may not be an easy journey, but if all journeys were easy life would be a tad boring don't you think? On the hardest days it is hard to remember to keep an eye on the prize, so to speak, but yet I do. And for me that prize is my barn and the amazing property with it. Looking back one year ago, if you would have told me I would be where I am today, I would have told you that you are delusional, I could never do that. But I did it and I am doing it still, I may want to give up some days; but I will never give up completely, never.
So if you are ever in the area, look for the big red barn and stop by for a visit. Share a story of the property or make a new story with us, we always have a project or two you can help us with and we always love giving tours of the barn.
My boys are learning along side of me too. They are learning that on the weekends an old property needs love and attention and there is always a project to be done. They may put up a small fight with me, but in the end they surprise me and jump right on the lawnmower and take care of the yard for me or work along side grandpa and surprise me when I get home with a completed project.
As I go through the process of buying this home I stop and wonder if its worth all the tears, aggravation and stress. As I sit under the glow of the full moon in my back field and look at my surroundings, I realize I already know the answer. Yes it is all worth it, oh so very much worth it. So many people have loved the property and I am so very grateful that I can now share with them the love and leave a story or two behind of our time spent on the property.
This past year has taught me that sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone and have faith that you are on a journey that you are meant to take. You wouldn't be on this journey if it wasn't meant for you, and the time for it was now. It may not be an easy journey, but if all journeys were easy life would be a tad boring don't you think? On the hardest days it is hard to remember to keep an eye on the prize, so to speak, but yet I do. And for me that prize is my barn and the amazing property with it. Looking back one year ago, if you would have told me I would be where I am today, I would have told you that you are delusional, I could never do that. But I did it and I am doing it still, I may want to give up some days; but I will never give up completely, never.
So if you are ever in the area, look for the big red barn and stop by for a visit. Share a story of the property or make a new story with us, we always have a project or two you can help us with and we always love giving tours of the barn.
Friday, August 1, 2014
day 6
Tomorrow is our last day, it is a sad day and a happy day. I will miss my bike family, but I miss my boys so much more. I have learned alot on this ride, about wisconsin and about myself. I have learned its okay to ask for help. Its okay to take a detour in the day and just have fun. Wisconsins terrain is just like home and it has made me miss my boys and familiar sites. Your bumm and legs and knees and back and your entire body hurt after being on your bike for six days. We all can make a difference one tree at a time and one community at a time. I learned that you really need to train for a six day biking marathon. I have learned that when you send out positive energy, it all comes back to you and then more. Today we rode thru towns that were gorgeous and the community sponsored gardens on the bike trails. When communities work together beautiful things spring up. So many towns had festivals this week, I am just sorry I couldn't visit them all. But for the last night on the tour I did hang out with friends and enjoy a band. I danced, I sang along I had fun. I cant tell you the last time I did that. Sometimes things come along your way and you just have to do it. Embrace life my friends, its a journey you wont soon forget and its over before you know it. Embrace the detours and the adventures, when you step out of your bubble, great things can happen; and they will. I promise.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
day 4 adventures
Did you know that Seymour wisconsin was the birth place of the hamburger? A local lady told me how it all began when a gentlemen at the fair in the 1800's was selling meatballs and cut his meatball in half and put it between two pieces of bread so his patrons could walk and eat. Thus the birth of the hamburger. Every year the town celebrates with a hamburger festival. There are ketchup slides, bun runs and hot air balloons. They take a lot of pride in being the original home of the hamburger.
Worlds largest hamburger.
http://www.homeofthehamburger.org/history.html
Why do I tell you about this? To prove a point and a lesson I learned a long time ago. If you stop and take a moment you can learn alot about an area and its citizens. Its not unusual for me to stop and just talk to someone, we all have a story. We live in a world that is very busy, we have to go here, we have to do this or that. But truly its not the destination its the journey and how you experience it. We can all put our heads down and grind through the day, but how many of us lift our heads and truly look around?
This year there is a common theme among the veteran riders," I'm taking a page out of jims book and relaxing. " it would appear that more ice cream shops are being visited, more scenes are being admired, and friendships are being forged stronger.
Today we saw guinea hens and some large cranes up close. But we also saw a hop farm, beautiful vistas, corn fields, an oversized hamburger and the home of the green bay packers. We met a family that is giving joy to others in the face of their own tragedy. We planted a katsura today and dedicated it to courage. Courage for this family to keep fighting their battles and courage to everyone else that is fighting their battles.
This is what stihl tour des trees is about in my opinion; bringing the communities together through trees. From the little kids learning from professor pricklethorn to tree dedications for communities and families. We may only visit an area for a few moments, but we leave a legacy for everyone to enjoy. I am glad I am riding this year and I look forward to florida next year.
Worlds largest hamburger.
http://www.homeofthehamburger.org/history.html
Why do I tell you about this? To prove a point and a lesson I learned a long time ago. If you stop and take a moment you can learn alot about an area and its citizens. Its not unusual for me to stop and just talk to someone, we all have a story. We live in a world that is very busy, we have to go here, we have to do this or that. But truly its not the destination its the journey and how you experience it. We can all put our heads down and grind through the day, but how many of us lift our heads and truly look around?
This year there is a common theme among the veteran riders," I'm taking a page out of jims book and relaxing. " it would appear that more ice cream shops are being visited, more scenes are being admired, and friendships are being forged stronger.
Today we saw guinea hens and some large cranes up close. But we also saw a hop farm, beautiful vistas, corn fields, an oversized hamburger and the home of the green bay packers. We met a family that is giving joy to others in the face of their own tragedy. We planted a katsura today and dedicated it to courage. Courage for this family to keep fighting their battles and courage to everyone else that is fighting their battles.
This is what stihl tour des trees is about in my opinion; bringing the communities together through trees. From the little kids learning from professor pricklethorn to tree dedications for communities and families. We may only visit an area for a few moments, but we leave a legacy for everyone to enjoy. I am glad I am riding this year and I look forward to florida next year.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Day three
What a wonderful day it has been. A nice FLAT terraine with only a small wind in places. A very nice break from the last two days. Today was going to be my day to do the entire route. But fate had something else in mind. In the middle of nowhere my seat/saddle decided it wanted to dance with a good wiggle waggle. This was not so good for my bum nor my balance, so we had to put a stop to the dance party. Unfortunately this meant a ride in the truck to the mechanics mobile office.
At the same time though two riders both experienced even worse problems. They both had a tire rubbing and both had an accident. They were able to walk away but blood was spilled. It made my seats dance party seem minuscule in the big picture, when to my little picture it as huge.
We go through life with this perception all the time. Ohmmy it's the end of the world my shirt is dirty that I want to wear. Someone didn't shut the freezer door. Meanwhile somewhere someone just found out they don't have long to live. Or someone just found out they lost their job and cant make the mortgage payment. Sometimes we need to just step back, take a deep breathe and just take a second look at a situation. Yes it may be bad, but can you find a solution? Can you ask for help? Can you accept help? Even the biggest strongest person needs help, but sometimes we just need to be patient and wait for the right solution, because somewhere someone else may need more help or maybe they are waiting for you to help. Who will you help today? As for me, I will try and motivate at least five people tomorrow plus myself, together we are a team and together we can conquer anything; big or small.
At the same time though two riders both experienced even worse problems. They both had a tire rubbing and both had an accident. They were able to walk away but blood was spilled. It made my seats dance party seem minuscule in the big picture, when to my little picture it as huge.
We go through life with this perception all the time. Ohmmy it's the end of the world my shirt is dirty that I want to wear. Someone didn't shut the freezer door. Meanwhile somewhere someone just found out they don't have long to live. Or someone just found out they lost their job and cant make the mortgage payment. Sometimes we need to just step back, take a deep breathe and just take a second look at a situation. Yes it may be bad, but can you find a solution? Can you ask for help? Can you accept help? Even the biggest strongest person needs help, but sometimes we just need to be patient and wait for the right solution, because somewhere someone else may need more help or maybe they are waiting for you to help. Who will you help today? As for me, I will try and motivate at least five people tomorrow plus myself, together we are a team and together we can conquer anything; big or small.
Monday, July 28, 2014
conquering challenges
I learned yesterday that my biggest challenge was me, and today I looked at that challenge and said bring it. And the best thing is, I conquered it. Not only did I conquer it, I demolished it.
I started the day a little tired and very scared of my clips, okay I was petrified. I wisely decided after hearing about the terrain to take the support truck to the first rest area. I am very grateful I did because I was able to find out why my clips were challenging me and get them fixed. Now I am un clipping like a champ. But truly the best part was sharing a tree dedication with thom and his family for his dad that passed away this past year. To hear his stories and to learn more about the area was incredible. I was honored to share that moment with him and his family.
After the dedication I headed out on my bike for a nice long ride. I went through some very impressive farms where the corn flanked me on both sides and their leaves rustled in the wind. It was beautiful to hear and it was very peaceful. Thankfully someone turned down the wind setting today and it made the riding all the more enjoyable. It was still windy, but nowhere near as bad as yesterday. We rode by beautiful lakes and streams all day and even went on a ferry ride. The best part of the ferry ride was the moose tracks ice cream at the end, that was partly funded by a dear friend. Thats what this ride is about, helping each other when we can.
Then there was devils lake state park and the hills that surround it. Jimminy crickets they were steep and twisting and never ending. But I only walked a smidgen when I did a switchback and lost all my momentum. But as soon as I could I was back on and riding with a great sense of accomplishment. The devil tried to bring me down, but I did not let him.
At the next rest area I knew I was done, it was 5:00 and the hotel was still 25 miles away. No way was I going to do 25 miles in the 1 hour that was recommended. So I rode the truck back to the hotel. I am glad I did, I learned all about the language of wisconsin and more about the dells. Did you know they call a sofa a davenpot. A water fountain is a bubbler. They use the words crick and pop appropriately and when you say wisconsin the first three letters sound like whiz, as in cheese whiz.
I am glad that I did face my biggest challenge today and that I conquered it. Without it I would have lost out on some great conversations, fixed my clip ons and I pushed myself just enough to be happy but not too much that I hurt myself. It always amazes me how much I learn on the tour des trees , not necessarily about trees but about myself. If you were peddaling for eight or ten hours what could you learn? Just imagine it, to be free of stress of work or life and have the opportunity to just be free. Its an incredible feeling, I recommend it to everyone.
I started the day a little tired and very scared of my clips, okay I was petrified. I wisely decided after hearing about the terrain to take the support truck to the first rest area. I am very grateful I did because I was able to find out why my clips were challenging me and get them fixed. Now I am un clipping like a champ. But truly the best part was sharing a tree dedication with thom and his family for his dad that passed away this past year. To hear his stories and to learn more about the area was incredible. I was honored to share that moment with him and his family.
After the dedication I headed out on my bike for a nice long ride. I went through some very impressive farms where the corn flanked me on both sides and their leaves rustled in the wind. It was beautiful to hear and it was very peaceful. Thankfully someone turned down the wind setting today and it made the riding all the more enjoyable. It was still windy, but nowhere near as bad as yesterday. We rode by beautiful lakes and streams all day and even went on a ferry ride. The best part of the ferry ride was the moose tracks ice cream at the end, that was partly funded by a dear friend. Thats what this ride is about, helping each other when we can.
Then there was devils lake state park and the hills that surround it. Jimminy crickets they were steep and twisting and never ending. But I only walked a smidgen when I did a switchback and lost all my momentum. But as soon as I could I was back on and riding with a great sense of accomplishment. The devil tried to bring me down, but I did not let him.
At the next rest area I knew I was done, it was 5:00 and the hotel was still 25 miles away. No way was I going to do 25 miles in the 1 hour that was recommended. So I rode the truck back to the hotel. I am glad I did, I learned all about the language of wisconsin and more about the dells. Did you know they call a sofa a davenpot. A water fountain is a bubbler. They use the words crick and pop appropriately and when you say wisconsin the first three letters sound like whiz, as in cheese whiz.
I am glad that I did face my biggest challenge today and that I conquered it. Without it I would have lost out on some great conversations, fixed my clip ons and I pushed myself just enough to be happy but not too much that I hurt myself. It always amazes me how much I learn on the tour des trees , not necessarily about trees but about myself. If you were peddaling for eight or ten hours what could you learn? Just imagine it, to be free of stress of work or life and have the opportunity to just be free. Its an incredible feeling, I recommend it to everyone.
Sunday, July 27, 2014
wisconsin
Ahh wisconsin,, you are a beautiful state with rolling farm fields filled with corn and soy beans. But you really should come with a warning label about your wind. Good golly the wind was brutal today. It was so strong it almost pushed me over a few times. I would work my way up over a hill for the great anticipated treat of going downhill to coast, but no not in wisconsin. In wisconson you keep pedaling downhill because the wind pushes you back up the hill.
What a great adventure today was. I did have a minor fall today at a red light. I came to a sudden stop and I could not get my clips out fast enough, so over I went turtle style. I no longer can favor my one good knee now because both are now equally injured. But like the trooper I am, I got back up and kept on pedaling. I hurt but I kept going. Until my friend frazer told me to stop and get in the van, it was time to rest, oh and he was so right on that one even if I put up a little fight not to ride in the van. But after lunch I got back on the bike and pedaled again, that is till the storm hit and we had to seek shelter in a tree line. There is nothing more bonding with good friends then huddling together in a tree line as you watch the rain fall sideways and the thunder and lightning is all around you. Then I prayed for my favorite support vehicle to come to my rescue, and just like prince charming, along came thom and saved the day. I was so very thankful mentally and my poor knees were thankful physically.
I learned alot today about the difference between a challenge and just trying to be tough or as some people I know put it, being a stubborn swede . Challenges come before us to make us wiser after they pass. Its how we approach it and solve the challenge that defines us. My biggest challenge this week is not the wind nor the road, its me. I set my own challenges and only I can solve those challenges because they are meant to teach me something. I need to learn that its okay if a challenge is not solved or sent packing on its way back home, I did not fail, it was my approach that failed. Its okay to ask for help and to accept that help to get through the challenge. Maybe tomorrow I can learn that lesson before I am in the middle of the challenge, there is a 1000 foot climb tomorrow. ...hmmm I wonder if I am up for the challenge?
What a great adventure today was. I did have a minor fall today at a red light. I came to a sudden stop and I could not get my clips out fast enough, so over I went turtle style. I no longer can favor my one good knee now because both are now equally injured. But like the trooper I am, I got back up and kept on pedaling. I hurt but I kept going. Until my friend frazer told me to stop and get in the van, it was time to rest, oh and he was so right on that one even if I put up a little fight not to ride in the van. But after lunch I got back on the bike and pedaled again, that is till the storm hit and we had to seek shelter in a tree line. There is nothing more bonding with good friends then huddling together in a tree line as you watch the rain fall sideways and the thunder and lightning is all around you. Then I prayed for my favorite support vehicle to come to my rescue, and just like prince charming, along came thom and saved the day. I was so very thankful mentally and my poor knees were thankful physically.
I learned alot today about the difference between a challenge and just trying to be tough or as some people I know put it, being a stubborn swede . Challenges come before us to make us wiser after they pass. Its how we approach it and solve the challenge that defines us. My biggest challenge this week is not the wind nor the road, its me. I set my own challenges and only I can solve those challenges because they are meant to teach me something. I need to learn that its okay if a challenge is not solved or sent packing on its way back home, I did not fail, it was my approach that failed. Its okay to ask for help and to accept that help to get through the challenge. Maybe tomorrow I can learn that lesson before I am in the middle of the challenge, there is a 1000 foot climb tomorrow. ...hmmm I wonder if I am up for the challenge?
Saturday, July 26, 2014
day 1
Today I came home to my bike family, and I was welcomed with lots of open arms and hugs galore. The bike tour is one big family vacation where no one fights or very little fighting occurs. We come together because of the trees, but we return each year because we are family.
I had the wonderful opportunity to go through milwaukee and see it up close and personal and I am happy to say I did not crash nor did I make anyone else crash.
We rode along lake michigan and I was surprised by the amount of beach front that there is. There was a beach volleyball tournament going on with well over 3 dozen nets set up. I never pegged milwaukee as a destination for beach volleyball, but hey I learned something new today. The lakefront is beautiful and flanked by beautiful homes with emmaculate gardens and landscapes. And best of all lots of great lanes for bicyclist.
I have decided that on this trip I am going to enjoy the scenery more than I did last year. Last year was all about riding and proving to me that I could do this. This year its about stopping and enjoying the uniqueness that is called wisconsin. On the short ride today I begged to ride by the miller beer factory. The buildings were incredible, they are made of stone and brick and they flank both sides of the road for about four blocks. There was even one large building that was the stables. The stables have stained glass windows and they were beautiful.
After our nice little 26 mile ride we started the evening with a german fest extravaganza. I have never seen so many lederhosen in my life and these huge hats with mile long feathers in them, alright maybe I am exaggerating a little but they were huge. There was lots of beer flowing but best of all was the food. I had a brat with saurakrat and lots of mustard. And a yummy cherry strudel, I could have eaten at every stand and been very content. There was roasted pig on a stick too, and if you wanted you could order either pig head or feet in one special line, there was no one in that line. After the fest instead of taking the bus back a group of us walked to the hotel, it was only 1.7 miles. I am so glad that we did, it was a wonderful way to see the river walk and all the wonderful restaurants along the way. Somehow I lost my headband on the route, a small casuality but the walk chased away the sorrow.
The only thing I worry about during this ride is my knee and the stubborn swede that I am. I hurt it on monday during a ride and it is not healing very fast. I am stubborn enough that I wont let it slow me down, and thats what worries me. I have always looked at challenges as just that, challenges, and they are meant to be conquered. What I am trying to do now or what I should be doing is looking at a challenge and saying .....alright so you want me to stop and look at this situation and find a reasonable solution. Yeah right thats not going to happen. What I say is bring it on challenge, I am ready, and I will laugh in your face as I overcome you and pedal on. For behind me and in front of me I am supported by my bike family and we can survive anything you throw at us. I look forward to this week and the adventures that await me, I hope you will join me.
I had the wonderful opportunity to go through milwaukee and see it up close and personal and I am happy to say I did not crash nor did I make anyone else crash.
We rode along lake michigan and I was surprised by the amount of beach front that there is. There was a beach volleyball tournament going on with well over 3 dozen nets set up. I never pegged milwaukee as a destination for beach volleyball, but hey I learned something new today. The lakefront is beautiful and flanked by beautiful homes with emmaculate gardens and landscapes. And best of all lots of great lanes for bicyclist.
I have decided that on this trip I am going to enjoy the scenery more than I did last year. Last year was all about riding and proving to me that I could do this. This year its about stopping and enjoying the uniqueness that is called wisconsin. On the short ride today I begged to ride by the miller beer factory. The buildings were incredible, they are made of stone and brick and they flank both sides of the road for about four blocks. There was even one large building that was the stables. The stables have stained glass windows and they were beautiful.
After our nice little 26 mile ride we started the evening with a german fest extravaganza. I have never seen so many lederhosen in my life and these huge hats with mile long feathers in them, alright maybe I am exaggerating a little but they were huge. There was lots of beer flowing but best of all was the food. I had a brat with saurakrat and lots of mustard. And a yummy cherry strudel, I could have eaten at every stand and been very content. There was roasted pig on a stick too, and if you wanted you could order either pig head or feet in one special line, there was no one in that line. After the fest instead of taking the bus back a group of us walked to the hotel, it was only 1.7 miles. I am so glad that we did, it was a wonderful way to see the river walk and all the wonderful restaurants along the way. Somehow I lost my headband on the route, a small casuality but the walk chased away the sorrow.
The only thing I worry about during this ride is my knee and the stubborn swede that I am. I hurt it on monday during a ride and it is not healing very fast. I am stubborn enough that I wont let it slow me down, and thats what worries me. I have always looked at challenges as just that, challenges, and they are meant to be conquered. What I am trying to do now or what I should be doing is looking at a challenge and saying .....alright so you want me to stop and look at this situation and find a reasonable solution. Yeah right thats not going to happen. What I say is bring it on challenge, I am ready, and I will laugh in your face as I overcome you and pedal on. For behind me and in front of me I am supported by my bike family and we can survive anything you throw at us. I look forward to this week and the adventures that await me, I hope you will join me.
Friday, July 25, 2014
a new day
Today is the day I have been waiting for since January when I signed up to do the ride again. I have trained smarter this year by eating better, exercising more and detoxing my body, mind and soul. That is until eab came into my life again. Every year eab pops up and takes me away from my bike and my boys, but this year the work has made me stronger. There are the squat challenges through different groups I tried to stick with this spring, but I never could stay committed. Well eab made we commit to the squat challenge, for example on average I need to squat or bend over 10 sites on a tree, multiply that by 900 trees and you have 9,000 squats. Thats right in the last six weeks I have done 9,000 squats, and my legs peddle like it too. I went for a nice ride on wednesday night with the cycle shops women on wheels, the weather was perfect and the companionship even better. They helped me with my new clip ons and made me confident that I could master them. You see I had a bad fall on monday and I was really scared to get back on, but with their kind words I did it. I did not fall all night and I did not make anyone else fall. But more than anything I had fun and it gave me time to reflect on the past few weeks.
As I coasted down a hill surrounded by corn fields with the wind rustling the long leaves of the stalks, I stopped thinking and I listened. I listened to the leaves rustling, the birds chirping and to my wheels rolling over the pavement. It was peaceful and serene. I have allowed my life to get cluttered lately and this one moment told me to just breathe and enjoy, and I did. Life is not meant to be filled with things, its meant to be filled with tranquility. We all make a choice every day and every moment as to how people will either affect us or help us grow. My family on the stihl tour des trees helps me to grow. They give words of wisdom throughout the year and encouragement when its needed. We are not out to be the fastest or the strongest, we are here to change the world, one tree at a time. Through our fundraising for the tree fund and the many events planned for this coming week, we are all making a change. We will be leaving wisconsin greener when we pass through it, but it will also be making us stronger as a family. There will be some new riders we will welcome into our family and some riders that will be missed that dont return this year, but just like any family no matter where you are we are all connected and their presence will be felt through the stories we tell of years past.
As I embark on this adventure I want to thank a few people. Dan thomas thank you for being my beach body coach, I could not have stayed committed without your words of wisdom and encouragement. My parents for taking care of my boys while I am away and on my adventure. To Forecon for supporting me and my fund raising. My tree family at releaf and isa, thank you for your words of encouragement and financial support to the tree fund. And thank you jeff for making me get on the bike to train even when I was so tired I didnt think I could do it; for picking me up when my chain broke and when I broke myself.
I wont be on this adventure alone, I take with me everyone that has supported and encouraged me. I am excited to begin today and to share with you throughout the week all the events and people I meet. A new adventure begins, Wisconsin here I come :)
As I coasted down a hill surrounded by corn fields with the wind rustling the long leaves of the stalks, I stopped thinking and I listened. I listened to the leaves rustling, the birds chirping and to my wheels rolling over the pavement. It was peaceful and serene. I have allowed my life to get cluttered lately and this one moment told me to just breathe and enjoy, and I did. Life is not meant to be filled with things, its meant to be filled with tranquility. We all make a choice every day and every moment as to how people will either affect us or help us grow. My family on the stihl tour des trees helps me to grow. They give words of wisdom throughout the year and encouragement when its needed. We are not out to be the fastest or the strongest, we are here to change the world, one tree at a time. Through our fundraising for the tree fund and the many events planned for this coming week, we are all making a change. We will be leaving wisconsin greener when we pass through it, but it will also be making us stronger as a family. There will be some new riders we will welcome into our family and some riders that will be missed that dont return this year, but just like any family no matter where you are we are all connected and their presence will be felt through the stories we tell of years past.
As I embark on this adventure I want to thank a few people. Dan thomas thank you for being my beach body coach, I could not have stayed committed without your words of wisdom and encouragement. My parents for taking care of my boys while I am away and on my adventure. To Forecon for supporting me and my fund raising. My tree family at releaf and isa, thank you for your words of encouragement and financial support to the tree fund. And thank you jeff for making me get on the bike to train even when I was so tired I didnt think I could do it; for picking me up when my chain broke and when I broke myself.
I wont be on this adventure alone, I take with me everyone that has supported and encouraged me. I am excited to begin today and to share with you throughout the week all the events and people I meet. A new adventure begins, Wisconsin here I come :)
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
oneonta
Ahhh on the road again, its been a long dry spell of no travel. I really have not minded the dry spell, it was nice to be home with my boys and enjoying their games and school events. But there is something in me that just desires and thrives being on the road and discovering new areas. If my boys could be with me on these work adventures that would be incredible. Instead they are home playing baseball and attending school, but they are in my thoughts and I can not wait to bring them with me to Oneonta in the future.
You never really get to know a City till you spend ten hours or more everyday walking every single street and talking with its residents. Oneonta I must say is filled with very friendly and helpful citizens that are more than happy to tell you all about their City. So far they have suggested enough restaurants to keep us well fed for every night of our 10 day stay, plus some more to come back and try next time we are passing through. The choices range from BBQ to Cajun to Thai and Sushi oh and don't forget all the pizza shops and burger places oh and the different Cafes. Wow, I am very glad I am walking all day, otherwise I may gain back all the weight I loss in the past two months.
Today I happened to come across a really neat restaurant for lunch called The Depot Restaurant and Tavern. As the name implies it is an old train depot.
I learned how Oneonta was once a big, I mean huge train town where it helped shape this wonderful city. It had the largest turntable and roundhouse in the world, my goal for this trip is find out where this turntable was located and to see if it is still visible. I never would have known this fact if I had not come onto this wonderful restaurant for lunch today. It is hard to find if you don't happen to be walking every street in Oneonta, but I would highly recommend the challenge of finding it and checking out the décor and food. I was told the garbage sauce is wonderful, so wonderful you have to buy a jar of the sauce to take home with you.
After walking around for just 10 hours today, for dinner I decided to take a car ride to another highly recommended restaurant located just outside of town; Brook's House of Bar-B-Q. Now this place claims they have the longest BBQ pit east of the Mississippi, its as big as a small barn, so I believe them. And let me tell you they know how to use the longest grill east of the Mississippi; the ribs fall off the bone, there is no chewing on the bone to get all the meat off, all the meat just melts off the bone and into your mouth. The chicken is juice and with just enough seasoning to awaken your taste buds. The BBQ sauce is wowing, I have to say it and please all my fellow Syracuse fans forgive me for saying this, it has Dinosaur BBQ beat in taste, hands down. It is so good, I am bringing some home with me. The décor at the restaurant is inviting and casual, they have chicken wallpaper, for goodness sake who has chicken wallpaper? Not only are you eating chicken here but you are seeing it everywhere, but its done in a way that its surprisingly not tacky. They have a bar area where it winds around like a centipede and allows you to cozy up with your neighbor and possibly make a new friend; although you may not do a lot of talking as your mouth is filled with BBQ. I tried the sample platter with chicken, ribs, smoked turkey and smoked beef slices; not only did I walk away from the table very full but I have leftovers for two sandwiches and breakfast for tomorrow. All of this for only $10, you could easily feed a whole family for under $50 here with a dessert to share too.
Brooks House of BBQ is not just a restaurant, they are a bottling plant with a gift shop and a park for the little kids to work off some of their dinner.
I wish my kids were still little enough to play in this park so I would have an excuse to play on the vehicles. I have never seen a monster truck made out of wood before, it is very impressive. The ladies in the gift shop were very friendly and helpful, not only did they help us decide on which sauce to take home but also added to our list of restaurants to try while we are staying in town.
I am eager to try more of the wonderfully recommended restaurants here in Oneonta throughout this week and to keep tantalizing my taste buds. I am just even more thankful I am walking all day long, I don't know how people stay so fit in this town with so many choices or narrow down their choices every day. The citizens are very proud of their City and I am just beginning to find out why. I am a very thankful and a very full arborist gypsy tonight, stay tuned for more adventures from Oneonta in the days to come :)
You never really get to know a City till you spend ten hours or more everyday walking every single street and talking with its residents. Oneonta I must say is filled with very friendly and helpful citizens that are more than happy to tell you all about their City. So far they have suggested enough restaurants to keep us well fed for every night of our 10 day stay, plus some more to come back and try next time we are passing through. The choices range from BBQ to Cajun to Thai and Sushi oh and don't forget all the pizza shops and burger places oh and the different Cafes. Wow, I am very glad I am walking all day, otherwise I may gain back all the weight I loss in the past two months.
Today I happened to come across a really neat restaurant for lunch called The Depot Restaurant and Tavern. As the name implies it is an old train depot.
After walking around for just 10 hours today, for dinner I decided to take a car ride to another highly recommended restaurant located just outside of town; Brook's House of Bar-B-Q. Now this place claims they have the longest BBQ pit east of the Mississippi, its as big as a small barn, so I believe them. And let me tell you they know how to use the longest grill east of the Mississippi; the ribs fall off the bone, there is no chewing on the bone to get all the meat off, all the meat just melts off the bone and into your mouth. The chicken is juice and with just enough seasoning to awaken your taste buds. The BBQ sauce is wowing, I have to say it and please all my fellow Syracuse fans forgive me for saying this, it has Dinosaur BBQ beat in taste, hands down. It is so good, I am bringing some home with me. The décor at the restaurant is inviting and casual, they have chicken wallpaper, for goodness sake who has chicken wallpaper? Not only are you eating chicken here but you are seeing it everywhere, but its done in a way that its surprisingly not tacky. They have a bar area where it winds around like a centipede and allows you to cozy up with your neighbor and possibly make a new friend; although you may not do a lot of talking as your mouth is filled with BBQ. I tried the sample platter with chicken, ribs, smoked turkey and smoked beef slices; not only did I walk away from the table very full but I have leftovers for two sandwiches and breakfast for tomorrow. All of this for only $10, you could easily feed a whole family for under $50 here with a dessert to share too.
Brooks House of BBQ is not just a restaurant, they are a bottling plant with a gift shop and a park for the little kids to work off some of their dinner.
I am eager to try more of the wonderfully recommended restaurants here in Oneonta throughout this week and to keep tantalizing my taste buds. I am just even more thankful I am walking all day long, I don't know how people stay so fit in this town with so many choices or narrow down their choices every day. The citizens are very proud of their City and I am just beginning to find out why. I am a very thankful and a very full arborist gypsy tonight, stay tuned for more adventures from Oneonta in the days to come :)
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Is chivalry gone?
In bygone days a lady was a lady and a gentleman was a gentleman. Each had its role in society and knew how to respect the other. A gentleman held the door open for a lady and the lady would be thankful. At some point the lady wanted to open the door for herself and chivalry began to disappear and go into a deep hibernation.
A lady can do many of the same things as a gentlemen, in todays modern world. But I do recognize there are some things I as a lady can't do, be they physically or mentally. In todays society women and even our girls are being taught to be tough and not rely on a boy/man to support or assist them. Our boys are growing up not being able to recognize the difference between a lady and another member of the group of guys. I was recently told that if by chance a gentleman should open a door sometimes they are chastised by a women. What kind of message are we spreading ladies to our young gentlemen and those who were raised to be a gentleman if they are now chastised for being a gentleman?
I like being treated not only as a lady but as someone that is equal to the next guy. I work in a field where girls are still the minority, I am thankful for the opportunity to work in my career but at the same time I like the door to be opened for me. In today's society we can all still be ladies and gentlemen, it may not be by our grandmother's standards, but it can be of an all new standard. But it begins today with our young gentlemen and ladies. I have taught my boys to open doors, to assist a lady up or down stairs, lets face it todays shoes can be dangerous. They give up their seats on a bus, and they let ladies go first. They realize though ladies can do most of what they can do, and should be treated as equals; but at the same time treat them as ladies.
Chivalry is not dead, but is awakening from a long hibernation. I rejoice in its return and having the door opened for me and an elbow to hold as I walk in these new shoes.
A lady can do many of the same things as a gentlemen, in todays modern world. But I do recognize there are some things I as a lady can't do, be they physically or mentally. In todays society women and even our girls are being taught to be tough and not rely on a boy/man to support or assist them. Our boys are growing up not being able to recognize the difference between a lady and another member of the group of guys. I was recently told that if by chance a gentleman should open a door sometimes they are chastised by a women. What kind of message are we spreading ladies to our young gentlemen and those who were raised to be a gentleman if they are now chastised for being a gentleman?
I like being treated not only as a lady but as someone that is equal to the next guy. I work in a field where girls are still the minority, I am thankful for the opportunity to work in my career but at the same time I like the door to be opened for me. In today's society we can all still be ladies and gentlemen, it may not be by our grandmother's standards, but it can be of an all new standard. But it begins today with our young gentlemen and ladies. I have taught my boys to open doors, to assist a lady up or down stairs, lets face it todays shoes can be dangerous. They give up their seats on a bus, and they let ladies go first. They realize though ladies can do most of what they can do, and should be treated as equals; but at the same time treat them as ladies.
Chivalry is not dead, but is awakening from a long hibernation. I rejoice in its return and having the door opened for me and an elbow to hold as I walk in these new shoes.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
writing assignment- the accident
This weeks assignment for our writers group was to write about an accident. So many great stories, both fictional and not-fictional were shared. This is what I read to the group. Mom have a box of tissues ready because I can't even read it without tearing up myself.
There are some moments in life that stay with you forever. The face of one little boy has stayed with me for over twenty years. This is our story and how he still lives on through my memory.
The morning air was crisp and cool on my arms. Today was going to be a day filled with friends and family. As a treat to our baseball family we are all going to a water park for a picnic and with awards being handed out at the end of the day. There are going to be salads, hot dogs, fruit bowls and lots of brownies; oh and a few cute boys. I am even going to be able to ride shotgun the whole way down and back again, how exciting!
First we had to pick up one other boy to ride with us; his parents had to work and my dad did not want any of his boys to miss out on the picnic. We had extra room anyways, because my mom was going to be driving a friend’s car. Her friend had been stung by a bee the day before and was unable to drive due to her medication; her son was on the team and she didn’t want him to miss out in the festivities.
We went over to her house to drop off my mom early in the morning; it was that moment I will always remember. He was sitting on the picnic table petting his dog; the expression on his face was both peaceful and saddened. Thinking back now as an adult, I think somewhere inside he knew. But he never led on, nor told anyone what he knew. But he knew.
As he was stroking his dogs’ ears he looked up at our car, his eyes locked onto mine. I could not look away; I could not break the connection. He smiled after what felt like eternity, but were only a few seconds. In that moment I believe he decided both of our fates, he was at peace with the path god had chosen for him and he was ready. His smile was that of an angel in the making.
It took me a few days to process the remainder of that fateful day. I was surrounded by members of our baseball family on the slope of a small hill that overlooked the baseball diamond. We were all grieving and in shock; it was then I realized the part I had played on that eventful day. If I had let him switch cars with me, at the end of the day, he would have lived. He wanted to ride with the other boy in our car, and I did not want to give up my shotgun seat. But maybe, just maybe he had relented easily during the discussion to switch places because he knew what would happen in the matter of a few hours, and he was ready.
I still see that little boy sitting on the picnic table with his dog. He is smiling at me, but sometimes he is not alone. Standing behind him is his mother. They left together that night, on a cold dark country road, when another mans decision decided their fates and the fates of those left behind. Maybe that’s why he made the decision, because he knew he would not be making the final journey alone.
When he looked into my eyes that fateful day, I think he looked into my soul and saw what I have yet to find out. Gods’ greatest plans for me during this lifetime . Everyday when his face comes to the front of my mind, I remember. I remember how he allowed me the chance to experience the beauty and the joys around me.
But I can not deny it, I also wonder some-days if he made the right choice or what he saw in me that fateful morning.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Summers End
As I sat in the Adirondack chair, I may have appeared to be reading my book or napping, but actually I was reflecting on the incredible summer I had just experienced. I had said hello to many new friends, said good bye to an old friend, challenged myself beyond what I thought were my limits and seen sights that once I had overlooked.
I will never forget my experience with the Stihl Tour des Trees; how could I ever think of forgetting all of the wonderful memories associated with it? I play out those memories often in my sleep and in quiet reflection, could I have been faster, yes; could I have observed more, yes; will I do it again, hell yes. From the first peddle to the last peddle it was monumental. My boys often tell me how proud they are of me, that in itself makes me proud that I accomplished the ride; but every now and then I hear of how someone read my stories nightly and how I brought them along with me. I am very thankful for that, and for those readers who followed me, stay tuned, lots of adventures are just waiting to happen.
On the last leg of the bike ride, I received the one call we all do not want; the call of a loved one dying. She was our first child, our practice child you may say; but now I think she wasn't our practice child, we were her practice children. She taught me to love, care and to take moments in time to enjoy the time we have together. It is hard watching a love one deteriorate but throughout it she never loss her joy for life. Even when she could no longer walk one block to the park with us without going the pace of a snail, her tail would wag consistently and she would give it her all. Whenever she saw her leash come out of hiding she knew she had to pull it together and give me her biggest smile; sadly towards the end though I knew she would not make it to the end without being sore for a long time, so she started staying home more often. But when I returned an hour later she was still by that door and ready to walk around the yard with me and pretend in our own way that we had just completed a long walk. At the end of her beautiful life she went surrounded with love and with her family; I can only be so lucky to go to heaven as she did. But now she rests in heaven with all my other past loved ones and I await the time when once again we shall be reunited.
Throughout the summer I traveled all over New York and Vermont and favorite thing about all those trips is of course the food and time with the boys. I have a knack to find the best places for food, and its really good food. My favorite place this year has to be the barbeque place in Brattleboro; if you have ever been there then you know the place. It had the yummiest veggie sandwich I tasted all summer and the company I had there was wonderful too. I met Jeff's uncle Ken there and it was such a treat to really have a chance to talk with him and get to know him better. I left the restaurant with a full belly and the appreciation of a wonderful gentlemen.
Although I was on the road this summer alot, I made the most of my time with my boys. They have truly grown into the most wonderful young gentlemen. Everyday I am amazed at their love for nature, their friends and life itself. As John was removing one of many fish he caught this weekend he would talk so sweetly to the fish telling it was okay, don't worry, I won't hurt you and then he would give it a kiss and throw it back in the river. He is truly sent from heaven and I hope they don't want him back any time soon because I am going to hold onto him for a very long time and never through him back as he threw those fish back.
Mathew has matured so much also and has become a wonderful young gentlemen. He has started helping me around the house, helping his grandpa and grandma and really learned alot through reading and watching the Discovery Channel. He is always checking up on me and making sure everything is alright, so much so I often wonder who the parent is and who is the child. Seeing him and John on the last day of the bike ride gave me the energy to keep going, and to finish the ride so I could hold them in my arms. When I go days without seeing them my arms truly ache for them, and nothing stops that ache till I have them close once more.
Along the way this summer though I truly tried to stop and smell the roses a little bit more. I stopped for scenic overlooks and took the time to talk to complete strangers. I learned more about the world around me than I ever thought possible. As soon begins tomorrow and another season is in the past, I am not sadden over its loss; I am looking forward to the great adventures that await me in the next season. Who knows maybe fate will throw me a curve ball and something new and exciting will come my way, something I never expected. I await the next adventure with gleeful anticipation, how about you?
I will never forget my experience with the Stihl Tour des Trees; how could I ever think of forgetting all of the wonderful memories associated with it? I play out those memories often in my sleep and in quiet reflection, could I have been faster, yes; could I have observed more, yes; will I do it again, hell yes. From the first peddle to the last peddle it was monumental. My boys often tell me how proud they are of me, that in itself makes me proud that I accomplished the ride; but every now and then I hear of how someone read my stories nightly and how I brought them along with me. I am very thankful for that, and for those readers who followed me, stay tuned, lots of adventures are just waiting to happen.
On the last leg of the bike ride, I received the one call we all do not want; the call of a loved one dying. She was our first child, our practice child you may say; but now I think she wasn't our practice child, we were her practice children. She taught me to love, care and to take moments in time to enjoy the time we have together. It is hard watching a love one deteriorate but throughout it she never loss her joy for life. Even when she could no longer walk one block to the park with us without going the pace of a snail, her tail would wag consistently and she would give it her all. Whenever she saw her leash come out of hiding she knew she had to pull it together and give me her biggest smile; sadly towards the end though I knew she would not make it to the end without being sore for a long time, so she started staying home more often. But when I returned an hour later she was still by that door and ready to walk around the yard with me and pretend in our own way that we had just completed a long walk. At the end of her beautiful life she went surrounded with love and with her family; I can only be so lucky to go to heaven as she did. But now she rests in heaven with all my other past loved ones and I await the time when once again we shall be reunited.
Throughout the summer I traveled all over New York and Vermont and favorite thing about all those trips is of course the food and time with the boys. I have a knack to find the best places for food, and its really good food. My favorite place this year has to be the barbeque place in Brattleboro; if you have ever been there then you know the place. It had the yummiest veggie sandwich I tasted all summer and the company I had there was wonderful too. I met Jeff's uncle Ken there and it was such a treat to really have a chance to talk with him and get to know him better. I left the restaurant with a full belly and the appreciation of a wonderful gentlemen.
Although I was on the road this summer alot, I made the most of my time with my boys. They have truly grown into the most wonderful young gentlemen. Everyday I am amazed at their love for nature, their friends and life itself. As John was removing one of many fish he caught this weekend he would talk so sweetly to the fish telling it was okay, don't worry, I won't hurt you and then he would give it a kiss and throw it back in the river. He is truly sent from heaven and I hope they don't want him back any time soon because I am going to hold onto him for a very long time and never through him back as he threw those fish back.
Mathew has matured so much also and has become a wonderful young gentlemen. He has started helping me around the house, helping his grandpa and grandma and really learned alot through reading and watching the Discovery Channel. He is always checking up on me and making sure everything is alright, so much so I often wonder who the parent is and who is the child. Seeing him and John on the last day of the bike ride gave me the energy to keep going, and to finish the ride so I could hold them in my arms. When I go days without seeing them my arms truly ache for them, and nothing stops that ache till I have them close once more.
Along the way this summer though I truly tried to stop and smell the roses a little bit more. I stopped for scenic overlooks and took the time to talk to complete strangers. I learned more about the world around me than I ever thought possible. As soon begins tomorrow and another season is in the past, I am not sadden over its loss; I am looking forward to the great adventures that await me in the next season. Who knows maybe fate will throw me a curve ball and something new and exciting will come my way, something I never expected. I await the next adventure with gleeful anticipation, how about you?
Friday, August 2, 2013
Limitations
Every now and then we are pushed to our extreme levels, either by force or by choice. In my case this week has been by choice. I am loving this week it has taught me how to challenge myself and it is making me stronger; both physically and mentally. The last two days have been very difficult to say the least. This has been my first time riding in the rain, and I will say it, I hate riding in the rain. But with it I have learned some new lessons, such as do not use the back brake to stop at red lights; you will fishtail and hydroplane like nobodys business. Do wear a good rain coat, those rain drops feel like acupuncture when they hit you while pedaling. Do wear a shower curtain on your helmet in the rain, it keeps the rain from dripping down and then running through the sunblock and down into your eyes. Do have a blinky light on your bike, that way motorist can see you better. Don't go fast down a hill, you will hydroplane. Do have fun, because no matter what the weather is going to do what it wants and you must make the most of it.
The only bummer so far is my knee; it has decided to swell up to almost twice its size and to hurt like the dickens. But with a little massage and some ice I am hopeful all will be great. Really though it does not make a difference because either way I will be out there again tomorrow finishing what I started.
It has been great along the way to see how many people come out to support us, cheer us on and to learn about trees. There are days I feel we are in this battle alone trying to make the world a better place. But after traveling around Lake Ontario this week I can say, we are not alone. There is another generation coming up that is going to step up to the plate and help us. If that doesn't put a smile on your face like it does mine then you are not seeing the big picture and their love of trees.
There have been so many lessons this week that I hope I never forget them all. But the greatest thing I don't want to forget is this; you are the only one that can determine what your limitations are in life. You can either embrace them and make your self better or fall to the wayside and curl up along the side of the road and wait for help to come along. I choose to embrace and be stronger in the long run. Which road will you choose?
The only bummer so far is my knee; it has decided to swell up to almost twice its size and to hurt like the dickens. But with a little massage and some ice I am hopeful all will be great. Really though it does not make a difference because either way I will be out there again tomorrow finishing what I started.
It has been great along the way to see how many people come out to support us, cheer us on and to learn about trees. There are days I feel we are in this battle alone trying to make the world a better place. But after traveling around Lake Ontario this week I can say, we are not alone. There is another generation coming up that is going to step up to the plate and help us. If that doesn't put a smile on your face like it does mine then you are not seeing the big picture and their love of trees.
There have been so many lessons this week that I hope I never forget them all. But the greatest thing I don't want to forget is this; you are the only one that can determine what your limitations are in life. You can either embrace them and make your self better or fall to the wayside and curl up along the side of the road and wait for help to come along. I choose to embrace and be stronger in the long run. Which road will you choose?
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